Twenty years of endo

It has been five years since they gave my pain a name

Five years of reading, learning,

Yearning for a cure to be found.

Five years of explaining what this long word means, 

What it does to my body

And why it can't be fixed with yoga.

Five years of knowing that I'm not imagining it.

I'm not simply weak, unable to handle what is 'normal'. 

This isn't normal.

For fifteen years I wondered why I couldn't just get on with it. 

It's just a period, all women go through this.

Except it isn't. And they don't.

For fifteen years I quietly wondered if there was something wrong with me. 

Whether I would be able to have children. 

What I'd done to deserve this.

For fifteen years, I took contraception just to manage my periods. 

I was never told why, just that it would help.

All it did was mask the real problem.

At thirteen years old, they dismissed me and my pain.

At twenty seven they tested me for chlamydia, pancreatitis, kidney stones, appendicitis and more. 

At twenty eight, they finally diagnosed me with endometriosis. 

For twenty years I have lived with this disease inside my body. 

There may not be a cure right now, 

But I won't let it beat me.

I'll make damn sure of it.

I wrote this poem to mark the five year anniversary of my laparoscopy, during which I was diagnosed with endometriosis fifteen years after first experiencing symptoms. Below are some links to my other blog posts about endometriosis and you can find all of my posts about chronic illness here. 

Eight top tips for managing endometriosis pain at home

Why it took me 15 years to get a diagnosis of endometriosis

Six things that caught me by surprise when I was diagnosed with endometriosis

March is Endometriosis Awareness Month, so I hope to share a little more about my experience of endometriosis in the coming weeks. If you'd like to learn more about the condition, Endometriosis UK is a great starting point.